


5 Things Ellen Isn't Telling Geoffrey, But Sometimes Thinks About Telling Oliver

by DesireeArmfeldt



Category: Canadian 6 Degrees, Slings & Arrows
Genre: 5 Things, Challenge Response, Character Study, F/M, Ghosts, POV Female Character, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-21
Updated: 2012-09-21
Packaged: 2017-11-14 17:53:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/517938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesireeArmfeldt/pseuds/DesireeArmfeldt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We never had much to say to each other, really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	5 Things Ellen Isn't Telling Geoffrey, But Sometimes Thinks About Telling Oliver

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Secrets challenge at [fan-flashworks](http://fan-flashworks.livejournal.com)

**1.**

  
Yes, I can see you.  Not just the once, like I told Geoffrey. 

But you never try to talk to me, you just stand on the other side of a room and look.  And leaving aside the fact that I don’t want to look like a crazy person, I don’t feel any particular need to talk to you.

We never had much to say to each other, really.  
  
  
 **2.**  
  
I’m not sorry.

I know that makes me a bad person.  But I also know that if Geoffrey had stayed, I would have spent my career in his shadow, or worse, as Geoffrey Tennant’s Wife.  Maybe I’m not the best Ellen Fanshaw I could be, or the most famous, either, but at least people know who Ellen Fanshaw is.  And I made her myself.

  
 **3.**

I’m afraid that he’s still crazy.

I don’t mind his moodiness and his mania and his obsessions the way he steamrollers everyone when he gets an idea in his head.  All that is what makes him the man I (yes, Oliver, still, always) love.  And I have strategies for dealing with him.  I can stand up to him, I can punish him, I can ignore him, I can even (sometimes) redirect him or make him see reason.

What terrifies me is when I look into his eyes and see someone unrecognizable—and worse, someone who doesn’t recognize me.  Or when the lights go out in there and I can’t tell if anyone’s home at all.

The worst thing is that he needs me then—needs someone—and I have absolutely no idea how to cope. 

Sometimes I do things that are guaranteed to piss him off, just to get a reaction.  Just so I know who I’m dealing with.

  
 **4.**

I belong here at New Burbage, but Geoffrey doesn’t. 

Probably he never did, although he wanted it badly and tried so hard. 

I doubt he’ll ever see it this way, but in the end, you (we) did him a favor. 

Sometimes, when I’m at my most charitable, I think maybe you even knew it at the time.

  
 **5.**

Geoffrey’s the only person in the world who still hasn’t grasped the fact that you were madly in love with him.  Which is the kindest, most loving thing he ever did for you.

That and the fact that he kept on loving Shakespeare after you used it to destroy him.  If he’d gone off to be an accountant you would have slit your wrists years ago.

I hope you at least give me credit for keeping my mouth shut.


End file.
